The End Of Days
Jacko is back on oats. For one brief shining moment this morning he was under 150 lbs, but then he was also nude, hungry and without child, so that was obviously temporary. He had hired Richard Simmons as his personal trainer last month to help with his weight loss but that didn’t last long, the man kept touching his pecs and whispering suggestive food groups on his ear while he was being stretched. This disgusted him so much he developed an eating disorder.
It was a doomed relationship from the beginning, I mean not only were they about the same age, but for the life of him he could not picture himself in a serious position – I mean relationship, with a screaming faggot like Simmons.
Meanwhile, Peepee’s behavior is becoming more disturbing. No one is certain if this was simply the normal reaction of kids after experiencing attempted murder, or this was something 
Jacko taught him, or this was just plain curiosity, but when Pappy went to pee beside him this morning, he suddenly twisted his piss pot and gave Pappy a creepy stare. Pappy got so scared he ran out and wept. Peepee on the other hand, went over to the bowl and played with the yellow water. They suspect he drank some too because he didn’t look too sober when Pappy checked back on him later on.
Posy called and informed them that she was able to acquire several grills but was currently stuck in traffic. Jacko took this opportunity to work on his novel. He entered the NaNoWriMo this year and was very confident at about coming up with 50,000 words since his plan was to simply make it all autobiographical, this way he didn’t have to create plots and characters and struggle to make something interesting out of nothing. 
The problem was, everytime he’d create first drafts and showed it to his manager and lawyers, they would read through and edit his material, deleting all those what they called ‘self-implicating stuff,’ that by the time they were done, he was back down to fifty words.
He was about to give it another shot, when Posy arrived. They all quickly ran out and prepared the set up. This time, they didn’t bother to bring out the crib since it was made of asbestos, the plan was simply to chain Peepee to all three of the Maxi Grillers, that way it was a sure shot! So the baby was laid and the fire started. Two minutes, three minutes, four minutes… and Peepee still seemed to be unharmed. At the rate this is going, they were afraid to die of smoke-inhilation first before they see the death of Peepee – but wait! The grandfather clock chimed and it was Peepee’s birthday. Peepee was two years old for exactly twenty seconds before being engulfed by the flames. Finally, success!
They all went back for a quick shower and watch the CNN Election coverage. Posy was complaining to Pappy the entire time about a backache, she thinks she had a slipped disc. Pappy is an avid viewer of Nip/Tuck and has even tried performing a real-life implant on one of their more prestigious neighbors Tara Reid. Unfortunately though, the show never had an episode on back problems, so, he adviced her to go see Mortimer’s chiropractor instead.
When Pappy woke up, he rushed to the mirror to make sure he still looked like straight and innocent. He couldn’t decide which was worse; to have the rest of the world know he just lost his virginity to another man, or, to have the rest of the world know he was still a virgin – well actually he isn’t coz he just lost it, but what I meant was he was until, you know, umm - bah, you know what I mean! Anyways, he felt so depressed that he ate. And ate, and ate, and ate… He finally stopped when there was no more food to be found. He then hid in the closet and wept. After two minutes though he remembered that only gays and people with multiple organs hide in closets, so he bursted out and ran to the garden instead to think.
Meanwhile, Posy comes home from the doctors and was feeling much better. She found the mess Jacko and Pappy had made though and started the task of cleaning up. Suddenly, there was a loud scream from the yard. They rushed outside to find Pappy being sucked up by a UFO. At first they panicked and worried about Pappy’s safety, but then Jacko assured her that martians really aren’t dangerous beings, in fact he’s met two of the species before, Tinky Winky and Laa Laa. They even come out on TV to entertain kids. Jacko explains that in Mars, the sun has a face and rolling green hills abound. Martians spend the whole day jumping around in mad circles and chasing each other. The only thing to watch out for were the annoying repetitive sounds they tend to make. But this could easily be solved by bitch slapping them hard up the side of the head to render them unconscious. This calms Posy down but she insists to wait outside until Pappy comes home.
Two hours later, the UFO comes back and beams Pappy down. Posy helps him up and asks him what happened. The Martians said they were sent by his HMO and they were just bringing him to the doctors for routine general check-up. They brought him to a Martian hospital where he saw an alarmingly high rate of male Martians. When he asked about his all they said was that these people were not patients but donors – though for what exactly, he could not fathom… They introduced him to a Martian OB Gyn and was told to put on a paper robe, lie back and relax.
He must have dozed off because he couldn’t remember what happened during the ‘examination.’ He woke up, and next thing he knew they were flying him back to Earth and everyone around him looked pissed. When he tried to approach someone to ask what had happened all he got was a sneering reply, “zou maeed woopee weez ah man no? baht zou ev no ovaries!!! zou ev waeested ar time zou deezgasting leetle pis ov shit!”
Not that he spoke Martian language, but ‘shit’ was ‘shit’ in any language, or planet for that matter, so he knew they were mad about something. Posy asked him if it was true what she’s heard that all Martians are green in color and live in rolling hills. He said that they actually came in fours colors, red, purple, yellow and green – but that it was considered ghetto to be green and that these species tend to live away from hills, in an area called The Hood. With that, Posy’s curiosity was sated and they both went inside, back in the comforts of their home sweet home. 
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